Top Ten Tips for Authentic Communications

These tips will promote deeper, more meaningful relationships. By practicing them, you will foster open, trusting environment for others to enter with you and you will reap the benefits of self-knowledge.  On the surface these tips seem simple.  In actuality I know I struggle with them.  My inclination is to try to show that I am right.  Better to understand what the other person is saying and how he/she might be right too.


  1. Using “I” statements, taking ownership, creates authenticity. When you communicate authentically you communicate your own truth.
  2. Effective communication includes speaking personally and specifically rather than generally and abstractly.  Rather than saying, “Everyone else wants this.” Say “I really want this.”
  3. Resist mind reading. A ‘You’ statement is a way of analyzing or second-guessing. This can cause misunderstandings or defensiveness. Allow others to speak for themselves.  A statement like “You are very pushy.” makes the other person angry and defensive.
  4. Listen to your inner voice. Become aware of when you are moved to speak and when you are not moved to speak.
  5. Be ‘present’ and respectful to the speaker. Don’t formulate your response while the other person is speaking, but wait until they have completely finished.  This means you listen to all that is said before responding.
  6. Be comfortable with silence in communication. Take time to think about what you heard. By giving the speaker space to say more you honor them and yourself.
  7. Respect differences. People can have other ideas, thoughts and feelings. Don’t try to convert them to your way. Celebrate the diversity.
  8. Be aware of your own barriers.  Prejudices, expectations, ideologies, judgments or a need to win, are obstacles to authentic communications.
  9. Look and listen for the heart of a person behind his/her words. Concentrate on finding their strengths and gifts.
  10. Be able to laugh at yourself and with others.

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